When placed in the mouth, molten lead and molten cheddar are almost indistinguishable from one another. J-SUS H C-RIST & I'm not even drunk.

People who say "FACT" at the end of everything, especially when it's not a fact, are very irritating. FACT.

If you harnessed the effort used typing on Facebook every night for a week, you would have enough energy to boil a kettle, probably. FACT.

Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary printed in the last 5 years? FACT - look it up...

Ha. Suckers. I haven't really been mountain climbing! I've been here, in front of my PC, eating lard. You are so gullible!

Everest: about half way up. Boiled up snow and ice to make hot, beefy, Bovril.

cummon sherpas! where's my Yak's milk tea?

Nepal. Everest Base Camp. Drinking tea with Sherpa. Makes it a bit salty.

Wednesday: Matterhorn: Hörnli ridge route: the people below look like tiny neutral triangular chocolate ants who gave us the cuckoo clock.

I am half way up the north face of the Eiger. Well - looking down, maybe 2 thirds. People look like ants in tiny lederhosen...